Star Craves NOT A Man
by IcedHotChocolate
Summary: Men can't give Star what she needs, so she decides to turn to women. But wait... there are no women! What will she do? Crack.


**Star Craves NOT A Man**

**Disclaimer: **The Lost Boys are not mine. I do not own them. I wish I did. I could make them all be my sex slaves... :

**Summary: **Men can't give Star what she needs, so she decides to turn to women. But wait... there are no women! What will she do?

**Warnings: **Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Girl on girl action. Basing of OC's. OC's, kind of, but not really. And, as always, a definite possibility of spelling and grammar mistakes.

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Star flipped through her Playboy magazine, smirking at all of the sexy pictures of women in various states of undress. God, it made her so hot. What on earth had she been thinking, going out with men? They were stupid, simple things, that simply couldn't give her the sort of satisfaction that she would get from having a pair of warm, supple breasts in her hands, or slender, delicate fingers in her…

She groaned and rolled over. These thoughts always led to the same thing. Arousal, and nowhere to go, except for her own fingers, and her box of "toys" that she kept under the bed. A few months ago, she might have just gone out and picked up some boytoy to satisfy her urges, but it now… it just wouldn't work for her anymore. She didn't want a man; she wanted the soft curves of a woman.

She had very little experience in this area (well, _no _experience, to be quite honest), so she didn't know where to go, or what to do. She didn't know how she could figure out this sort of thing on her own. If only there was some other gentle, loving female for her to go to, someone who could guide her, and teach her about female intimacy.

"Yes, well, there isn't, is there?" she snapped, glaring upwards. "There aren't any other female characters in the Lost Boys." Well, that wasn't entirely true. There was one other major female character.

"I am not going to bang Michael's mother," she said, retching, "Ew. Just, ew. She's like, 50 or something." It was her fault then, not the writer's. Her own pickiness was what fueled this horrible sexual frustration. If only she could be open-minded and accept what was being offered to her, she might get the release she craved.

"'Accept what was being offered to her'? Excuse me? First of all, she's old. Second, she's straight, and married to some business. Third, I haven't even seen her for almost a year!" She pouted like a little girl who had been denied ice cream.

"I am not pouting like a little girl, dammit! Shut up, you stupid author!" She flipped the Almighty Author God the bird. What an insolent brat!

"You know what, shut the fuck up!" she shouted, "You may be the 'Almighty Author God', but you're a complete douche bag." Ouch. That wasn't very nice. Star sighed.

"I'm sorry," she said, "It's just, this whole business of being lesbian and not having any girl characters to get with is kind of frustrating." The AAG (Almighty Author God) could see her point. It was sort of like her plight, except, the problem wasn't a lack of decent specimens. The problem was a lack of decent specimens who were blind. Being a nerd has a few devastating setbacks.

"Jeez," Star muttered, "That must suck. No wonder you lock yourself in your room and write fanfiction all day."

"Yeah, it's painful," said the AAG, deciding to insert herself into the story. It was easier to write it that way. Star flopped back on the bed, and the AAG walked over and sat down next to her. She curled her legs up against her chest and tried to think of other female characters in the Lost Boys.

"There was that girl who worked at the video store," suggested the AAG. Star snorted.

"Not my type. Plus, I don't even know her name," she said.

"True," agreed the AAG, "I don't think anyone does. You'd have to be paying really close attention." The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Didn't that guy in the purple pants have a female backup singer?" asked the AAG. "She had like, pink hair or something." Star thought for a moment.

"You know, that scene was so quick, I don't remember," she said. The AAG nodded.

"Oh, what about that policeman's wife?" the AAG said, "The one who hangs up the poster in the beginning of the movie." Star wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"No way. She was gross. I don't think she even counts as a girl." The AAG laughed. It was true, though.

It seemed that the only girl characters you ever got to know at all were Star and Lucy, and Star had made it quite clear that banging old ladies was out of the question. Star huffed.

"More than out of the question. Out of this galaxy. Out of this universe."

"That's really a problem," said the AAG, "I'm sorry." Star scoffed.

"I'm sorry too," she said. "My vagina is the sorriest of us all, though." Her vagina violently agreed.

"I believe what I feel goes beyond sorry," it said, "It is somewhere between pain and despair." The AAG winced. Poor thing. Star patted it, trying to comfort it.

"If there was anything I could do about it, you know I would," she said. Her vagina sighed.

"Yeah, I know," it said. "I don't blame you. I don't blame the AAG either. I blame the guy who wrote this. He was clearly not prepared for any yuri lovers to watch his movie."

"Man, seriously," said the AAG, "I mean, I can write plenty of boysmex about it, but when I'm feeling in a yuri mood, I have to go to a different fandom. And I really want to see Star getting it on with another girl. Or, I mean, read it, rather." Star's vagina laughed.

"I agree," it said, "I would really like her to get it on with another girl." The AAG pondered for a moment. Suddenly, a slightly horrified expression crossed her face.

"I have an idea. It is kind of horrible, but it might work. We could… oh god; it's hard to say it. We could… create a female OC for Star to bang," she said, looking around fearfully, in case anyone heard those blasphemous words pass her lips. Star and her vagina gasped, shocked.

"Why, that's heresy!" cried Star, "Female OC's are the most god awful, annoying, unpleasant things on this planet! They drive everyone with half a brain completely mad!" Her vagina nodded, agreeing with her. Well, actually vaginas can't nod, so it just sort of mushed around.

"I know," said the AAG, "But I really don't like it when Star is this sexually frustrated. It seems unfair that she is being punished for her sexual preferences. No matter what your orientation is, you deserve to get some."

"That's true," said Star. "I guess… we could try creating an OC. But if I don't like her, or she starts to get annoying, or becomes an attention whore, or too Mary Sue-ish, we will kill her off immediately. And she won't die in a dramatic, tragic way, like some Mary Sues do. No one will feel sorry for her. She will be pushed off a cliff into a lake of lava, full of lava sharks and lava jellyfish. At the bottom, the lava people will wait for her with their lava AK-47's."

"I whole-heartedly agree," said the AAG. She opened up her Team Rocket messenger bag and pulled out her magical keyboard. It was green and sparkly. Everyone loves sparkles. "Now, what do you want this OC to look like?" she asked. Star tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"I want her to be shorter than me, about 5'5"." The AAG nodded and tapped a few keys. "And I want her to have a C-cup." The AAG typed a bit more and a patch of air in front of them sputtered, and then began to morph. The outline of a figure was slowly forming in front of them. Star licked her lips. She was already getting excited, and she couldn't even tell what it was.

"I want long, thin limbs, slightly toned, but not obnoxiously so. I want everything about her to be delicate and absolutely girly. Not even a hint of manliness." The figure was beginning to become more defined. It was starting to look like a person. Star giggled happily, and if her vagina had a mouth, it would be grinning and giggling too.

"Green eyes, long, slightly wavy blonde hair. A pretty face, but kind of young looking. I don't want her to be much older than 16. High school girls are hot. Oh, and really smooth, soft skin. Every square inch of her should be soft and cuddly." The AAG nodded and finished her tapping and looked up at the figure in front of them.

"Wow," said the AAG.

"Wow," said Star.

"YEE-HAW!" shouted Star's vagina.

"So… uh… do you want to put any clothes on her?" the AAG said finally, wiping a bit of drool from the corner of her mouth. Star inspected the girl.

"I want her in a schoolgirl uniform," she said, grinning demonically. The AAG typed something on her magic keyboard.

"Done."

Star looked approvingly at the short shirt and knee socks. "This is unbelievably awesome," she said. "I feel like a little kid at Christmas." The AAG laughed.

"All you need to do now is name her and give her a bit of a personality," she said. "Then I'll leave you two to your business. Well, I mean, my self-insert will leave you two. I'll still be watching you, I just won't be right there watching you." Star shook her head.

"Whatever. Pervert."

"I am not a pervert!" protested the AAG. "I am an appreciator of the erotic!"

"You're a pervert," said Star's vagina.

"You are, really," said Star. "But there are more important things than the author being perverted going on right now." The AAG sighed dejectedly and resumed her typing.

"So, how to do you want her to act?" she said.

"Shy, submissive, definitely a virgin," said Star. "Oh, and name her Katy." The AAG typed in a few more sentences.

"Okay, all done," she said. Star giggled gleefully as the girl moved for the first time, and looked around the room.

"Where am I?" Katy asked in a soft voice. A gust of wind seemed to come from nowhere, and fluttered Katy's skirt, revealing her pink, lacy panties. Katy blushed and pushed her skirt back down.

"Oh my god, I've died and gone to heaven!" cried Star. The AAG looked up from her keyboard, confused.

"Wait, but Star," she said, "Do you know what you're doing?" Star looked over at the AAG with an incredulous expression on her face.

"Of course I know what I'm doing!" she said, "I've dreamed about this every night." The AAG hummed thoughtfully.

"Yes, but that's different. You're actually going to do it this time." Star sighed. The AAG was right. She didn't really know anything about lesbian sex. All she that knew, she learned from porn, and porn is not always a reliable research source. She could remember many other occasions when it had told grotesque lies about heterosexual intercourse.

"Well, what am I going to do?" she said, sitting down on the floor. Star's vagina screamed in agony.

"Don't give up now!" it yelled, "We were about to get some!"

"I know, I know," she said, "But I don't know how to go about doing this. I'm kind of a noob at this whole lesbian thing." The four of them sat there, trying to think of a solution. Katy absentmindedly lifted up her shirt and began to fondle herself. Everyone got a glimpse of her lovely c-cups, which were covered by a lacy pink bra that matched her panties.

"Wow, I've never been touched here before," Katy said, "It feels so good." Star groaned as she watched Katy touching what _she _ought to be touching. This was ridiculously unfair. The AAG could sense Star's distress and tried to think of a solution. She didn't want Star to be unhappy. But what could she do? Suddenly, she had it.

"We'll write another OC!" she said, "A very experienced one. She can guide both of you. You can have an awesome threesome. Threesomes are super cool," she said. Star squealed happily. A solution! She should have thought of having a threesome earlier. Threesomes _were _awesome.

"Do it!" she said.

"Okay, I'll just whip one up real quick," said the AAG, her fingers flying over the keyboard, "Tall, dark hair, nice ass, very experienced and slightly dominating… there we go! Her name is Monique, by the way." Star yelped as something grabbed her ass. She turned around and nearly fainted. Standing there was the most powerful and sexy woman she had ever seen. This was _beyond _awesome.

"Well, hello there," said the woman. Her voice was like dark chocolate, sweeping over her in a wave of seductive promise. Star swooned. The woman stroked the side of her face and laughed wickedly.

"Cat got your tongue?" she asked, raising a thin eyebrow.

"I- er, um, n-no, I don't- I mean, uh, wow, you are so-" Star couldn't speak. Her brain had simply stopped functioning. The woman slid one arm around Star's waist.

"Don't worry, I think I know what we can do," she murmured. Star shuddered and wrapped her arms around Monique's shoulders. Monique kissed the top of her head and looked over at Katy, who currently had three of her fingers crammed into her vagina. The little schoolgirl was giggling with delight and seemed totally oblivious to the rest of the world.

"I feel so happy right now!" Katy shouted, shifting her fingers around. Monique and Star walked over to her.

"Let me help you with that," said Monique, gently replacing Katy's fingers with her own.

"Unfair," said Star's vagina. "Why does the OC get it and I don't?" Monique reached her other hand into Star's skirt and answered its demands.

"There we go, that's why I'm talking about," it said, "Now if you would just-- mmphhmmm mmpphhmm!" It couldn't talk anymore because its 'mouth' was full of fingers. Long, delicate fingers, just like the ones that Star had always dreamed about.

"Heehee, this is awesome," said the AAG, "I think I'm going to retreat to my room now, and watch from there. Stuff like this is best viewed with a cup of tea and a chocolate chip cookie." And with a poof, she was gone. The three females didn't even notice; they were too caught up in their 'business'.

"You two should kiss," said Monique, winking at both of them. Katy blushed and looked away. How innocent of her. Star grabbed Katy's chin and pulled her mouth up to meet her own.

"Finally," she groaned, before plunging her tongue into Katy's mouth. Finally, Star had some girls to play with. Finally, she was getting some action. Finally, there were actually other women around, that weren't old or totally unnoticeable. True, they were OC's, but Star was willing to compromise. So was her vagina.

So was the AAG, who was sitting happily in her room, munching on cookies and tea. She was totally happy, except for one thing that made her sad. She was incapable of writing a lemon, and a yuri lemon was what this story needed to make it perfect. Yuri lemons are always a lovely thing.

She could imply a lemon, however. Oh yes she could. Let's just say that Star, Katy, and Monique were at it for 48 hours straight, before they finally collapsed from exhaustion. And after they woke up, they started again. Life was good for Star. She did not throw the OC's into a lake of lava, and then had sex for the rest of eternity.

Now _that _is what I call a happy ending.

--

**Author's Note: **Okay, so, I happen to love femslash. Not as much as I love boyslash, but pretty close. I wanted to read Lost Boys femslash. But wait... there are no girls, besides Star and Lucy. So, I did what I had to do to solve the problem ;) Reviews would be loved so very much, but flames are not loved at all.


End file.
